Breast Cancer and Hope

Let Us be Something Every Minute: Growing Past Cancer

2012-01-13T17:28:00.000-08:00

“Dear God” she prayed, “let me be something every minute of every hour of my life. Let me be gay; let me be sad. Let me be cold; let me be warm. Let me be hungry…have too much to eat. Let me be ragged or well dressed. Let me be sincere- be deceitful. Let me be truthful; let me be a liar. Let me be honorable and let me sin. Only let me be something every blessed minute. And when I sleep, let me dream all the time so that not one little piece of living is every lost.” - from A Tree Grows in Booklyn by Betty Smith, 1943

Cancer is as much a disease of emotional struggle as it is physical. I read this book recently, and the excerpt really resonated with me, moving me to joyful tears. I re-read the paragraph over and over in the quiet of the night, the noisiness of the ballet studio, and aloud to each member of my family.. These words so reflect the internal bargaining that many go through when battling cancer. "Please let me survive," we plead, "and I promise to appreciate every moment of every day," Then, when we are finally out from the dark tunnel of treatment, our faces once again in the sun, there is a deep and eternal appreciation of living, of feeling the seconds, the moments, and hopefully compiling them into years of grateful survival.

Sometimes fears of recurrence pull cancer survivors to a panicked place, inciting desperation to validate one's alive-ness by living, even over-living. I know this first hand. For those that have been stricken with cancer and struggle in those moments of recurring fear, those that support loved ones that are dealing with cancer, and even those that have survived 50 years past cancer but still have occasional fear, I assure you that you are not alone. These emotions are not all bad. Cancer survival, and its associated gratefulness for life, lead many to explore a new hobby, take on a new challenge, love a little deeper, be more forgiving, loosen up. Our perspective changes and we not only see the forest for the trees, but the trees for the leaves, and the life-giving air and sun.

To live ones life with an authentic appreciation for living is, in a sense, like living it from death backwards. Facing off our mortality makes us realize the gift that is time. How wonderful to more fully value and feel watching our children sprout and branch out, opportunities to learn and lead, our ability to share and impart, and time to just breath.. To be "above ground" consciously experiencing and engaging in the full breadth of what it is to be part of humankind is to be truly alive. To smell the ocean and earth, feel the biting cold, cry at our losses, celebrate our joys, laugh out loud, help others in need, and learn something new every day is like the unwrapping of gift after gift after gift.

Perfect or not... how blessed we are to be something every minute of every day. The quote above says it all and more.

Here's to the adventure called life, the medical and scientific communities that afford people like me the chance to live, and generous souls everywhere that support research and care. May our combined philanthropic and humanitarian efforts afford more people struggling with cancer the chance to survive, and touch all the wonder that is "life".

Breast Cancer Surgeons Should Limit Bias in Patient Dialogues

2011-11-18T10:34:00.000-08:00

As I celebrate the third anniversary of my reconstruction and, on some levels, my resurrection, I am struck by how little advancement has been made in terms of educating women about their full range of surgical options to address breast cancer.

As I mentioned in my earlier posts, I often find myself in a counseling role, supporting women newly diagnosed with breast cancer. One of the most difficult decisions for these women to make relates to breast surgery. Lumpectomy or Mastectomy? Reconstruction or Not?

Aside from the obvious imperative to remove the insidious cancer cells from the body, there's just so much to consider. The considerations are extremely unique and personal to each and every individual woman. Not only do these early decisions effect a woman physically and in terms of recurrence risk, but may impact her psychological and emotional well-being going forward. These "quality of life" consideration MUST be given weighted consideration by both the patient and her team of physicians.

With the trend towards minimally invasive surgery and breast conserving lumpectomy, those that may benefit from breast removal (mastectomy) and aesthetic breast reconstruction are often made to feel over-reactive or overly conservative in their desire to explore the choice of mastectomy for early stage breast cancer. I am not advocating for mastectomy. Trust me, there are many times when I wish I could re-wind back to the days of having real breasts and the associated sexual benefits. I am advocating, however, that all women facing breast cancer should be presented with their full range of possible surgical options before commencing their treatment plans.

What many women do not know, for instance, is that some electing mastectomy over lumpectomy may be able to avert radiation therapy, which carries a risk of degrading tissue. Also for consideration is the fact that lumpectomy can mar the breast aesthetic with its resulting scarring and divets. It's not an easy or automatic decision. Women should be shown the possible outcomes of plastic surgery breast reconstruction so that they can envision the end results of their cancer removal decisions. Additionally, they need to be made aware of nipple sparing mastectomy and its benefit for some (see attached article).

I expect that as chemotherapy drugs continue to improve, and radiation treatment more pinpointed, fewer women with early stage breast cancer will truly gain recurrence risk reduction benefits by having radical breast removal surgery. However, in the interim, women that want to insure or gain psychological/emotional faith in their survival after breast cancer, and those for whom aesthetic is emotionally important, mastectomy with reconstruction should be offered, one of many options to fully consider at the very beginning of the breast cancer journey towards overall wellness.

Three happy years later, I feel and look great!

Tools and Tips and Fundraising Adventures

2011-03-22T07:27:00.000-07:00

It’s mid-March in New England. For most, this means the anticipation of Spring, a much needed college break, the slow and deliberate shedding of winter sweaters, the tiny daffodil sprouts that give us Northerners cause to release the tensions of Winter. For me, Spring means all this and so much more. March means that breast cancer fundraising season is already in full bloom, and my beautiful bouquet of “Team BellaDonna” volunteers is right there blooming beside me.

Team BellaDonna, a loose conosortium of people directly or indirectly struck by breast cancer, began nearly a decade ago. Instigated by my mom’s emotional response to my first bout of breast cancer, Team BellaDonna is comprised of women and men that are inspired to exercise tangible efforts against the disease. This group, including up to 25 individuals over the years, has more heart than a herd of elephants, and a determination that has allowed us to collectively raise over $250,000 for the smartly and efficiently run Avon Breast Cancer Foundation, and its offshoot, the Avon/Love Army of Women. Young and “older”, moms and singles, businesswomen and students, members of the Team BellaDonna posse join the efforts for varying reasons. Some tag along for one cathartic term as an empowerment and renewal effort after battling breast cancer. Others, the core team of about eight, return to the group year after. We are survivors, supporters, sisters, sons, and perhaps superstars to those we empower through our numerous fundraising and awareness efforts. Turning emotion into effort, trial into tribute…that’s what this group is all about.

Over the years, Team BellaDonna has created and encountered many adventures. Among the humorous failures that were more investment that return – an “Open House” party at my home featuring the likes of Lia Sophia, Usborne Books, and Pampered Chef. What was I thinking when I opened up my home to the public? The concept was that people would move from room to room, purchasing items with a percent donated towards fundraising efforts.

Another questionable effort – the “cottage” handmade glass bead bracelet project. Beautifully designed bracelets made by women that were already overburdened with careers and kids, in a market flooded with Pandora®, Chamillia®, and other “trendy” “build a beaded bracelet” offerings. Yeah, that was destined to fizzle before it started.

The children’s concert palooza with a collaboration of four hugely popular interactive tot-set performers, garnered quite a bit for our cause, promoting breast health to hundreds of young moms to boot. Now that event was both fun and fruitful. We were roockin’ in the isles with toddlers at a packed auditorium! What pleasure to be a kid again, miming animals along with the pre-school set!

A greater success, and still with great potential, our Team BellaDonna “ArtWear” tee shirts, designed to symbolically represent hope BEYOND breast cancer, a core focus of my personal and professional efforts. With original signed art donated by a known artist, Ken Maryanski, this endeavor may yet be a winner. I just have to clone myself to find the time to roll this project out completely while still earning income through gainful employment. Still, the shirts do sell locally, and simultaneously raise hope.

Email, social media, direct mail, tables at supermarkets, motivational speaking, producing major public events, auctions, fashion shows – the fluid Team BellaDonna group, though they may very well raise eyebrows and sigh behind my back, has been with me from the time of my second breast cancer bout, literally marching towards breast cancer cures. Truth be told, we’ve had a lot of fun, met some amazing people, and learned great practical skills along the way! Oh, and then there’s the little 40 mile Avon Walk for Breast Cancer Boston walk in the park we reward our efforts with each May. But, that’s another host of stories.

Last week, whilst in the thick of planning our annual “Styles & SMILES” Charity Fashion Show and Auction (those of you that are professional event planners will realize this in itself represents a full-time job), we threw together an event called the “Pink Toolbelt Diva” party. Although not great as a fundraising event (the first time out rarely is), this event had the effect of raising more awareness and generating more empowerment than any of our prior fundraising endeavors. The Toolbelt Diva event allowed women to try Tomboy Tools®, sized for women and with pink accents, at fun hands-on stations “manned” by local Firefighters, Team BellaDonna husbands (bless my husband), and Home Depot store managers, who seemed to enjoy all the female attention. The event was a win-win-win, gathering women of all ages for the empowerment that comes with learning independent “tool use” skills, providing attendees the opportunity to contribute to the cause while getting practical skills and tools in return, providing a networking opportunity for area businesses related to homes and design, and reaping a percentage return towards Team BellaDonna fundraising efforts Through a concerted public relations campaign (did I mention my background includes a Masters in Communication?), the event garnered front page photos and articles in every area newspaper, both local and state news. The message: Women Can Do. The exposure and awareness for corporate Tomboy Tools (a women owned business that, at a corporate level, sponsors the Avon Breast Cancer Foundation), corporate Home Depot (traditionally perceived as a man’s playground), and the Avon Breast Cancer Foundation were a bonus benefitting these organizations. I do sometimes wish our corporate beneficiaries would find creative ways to reward our Team BellaDonna volunteers’ efforts towards promoting these businesses, but am also grateful for the opportunities these collaborations represent.

The “Pink Toolbelt Diva” event had little girls learning about power tools, grown women fixing faux cars, older women painting on practice walls, gardeners getting tips from Home Depot experts, and me finally learning what to do if my car tires fail. The three survivors on our team spoke with others, offering counsel, consoling those that exchanged their breast cancer stories, and modeling hope as they represented “thriving and purpose” after cancer.

For me, the event provided an opportunity, yet again and again, to model proactive humanitarianism and management skills for my young daughter, who, at 9, follows suit as a little leader of her own inventive and adorable “event management” efforts. Finally, I was able to let go of my need to “kick cancer’s #@$” by personally directing every fundraising project, passing the event managment reigns to two of our capable younger team members, who got a taste of what it is to pull disparate event pieces together, and the pleasure of watching the event become much more than the sum of its elements. In the thick of the event, I surveyed the room, all the action, emotion, conviction and shared purpose, and my eyes rimmed once again with inspired tears. Thus, like many other of our ongoing efforts to support those impacted by breast cancer and move the big bio-scientific –medical machine closer to the real breast cancer answers, we’ll call our first “Pink Toolbelt Diva” Party a good success.

Now, just weeks later, there are dozens of fashion show/auction tasks to tie up. We’ll need an entire skein of “pink ribbon” to knit the event together and pull it off, and a piece to tie the clock’s hands as we race to find the time to complete the event while juggling our lives. But, I know that Team BellaDonna is up to the task.

That Was Then, This Is Now: The Army Ending Breast Cancer

2011-01-31T10:09:00.000-08:00

Back in the 50's, breast cancer was a taboo topic. Women that were diagnosed felt obliged to keep the diagnosis hush-hush, it was spoken of only in whispers and shrouded in fear. Radical surgeries, highly toxic treatments, and social stigma left women that were diagnosed devastated by the disease. The 60's and 70’s saw some improvement to this, as stories of survival gained public attention, women’s health initiatives grew, and the American Cancer Society stepped up its communications efforts. The 80's brought the onset of the "breast cancer awareness" movement, a result of growing disease incidence and news media propagation. Emotionally evocative breast cancer stories filled media air time and made the cover of prominent magazines.

No doubt about it, the evolution of breast cancer consciousness is responsible for reducing breast cancer deaths. As the subject became more "normalized" and less taboo, pro-health communications campaigns circulated. The disease went from something never spoken of to something discussed in nearly any social circumstance. The message of "early detection" found its way to more and more women, resulting in more cancers identified during early treatable stages. With cancers identified sooner, the survival rate increased. Early breast cancer benevolent groups were effective in saving thousands of lives.

Awareness walks emerged, effectively serving the dual purpose of visually reminding the public of the breast cancer epidemic and bringing participants together in productive collaborations. The “charity walk” paradigm spread, with well meaning walker/fundraisers now having to choose one beneficiary alliance over another. Two day walks, three day walks, relay walks, regional walks...the field of breast cancer walks and coalitions grew. While raising money for the cause, participants in these humanitarian walk efforts gained real benefits of increased self-esteem, social/emotional networking, and empowerment. Before long, hospitals began sponsoring their own breast cancer "awareness raising" events which, not just by coincidence, reflected positively on their marketing agendas.

As the movement twisted, turned and wove a complex web, corporate America jumped onboard, its marketing gurus seeing the potential of “cause association” advertising. The pink ribbon, inspired by the success of the AIDS awareness ribbon, became associated with the breast cancer cause. Beginning in the early 1990’s, breast cancer charities, in their zeal to collect as much money as possible, began partnering with profit-driven entities for whom "altruism" ranked 2nd to "product promotion". As evidence of its potential economic collateral mounted, charitable organizations like Komen sought registered trademarks in the use of the iconic pink ribbon symbol. Promising varying percentages of product profits, corporations inked the evocative pink ribbon on everything from soup cans to pot scrubbers, lest there be any question of their stance "for the cure" (as opposed to "against the cure"?). Competitive Corporate America, driven to distinguish brands and products, jumped by the hundreds into the sacks of bloated breast cancer non-profits. The proliferation of the ubiquitous breast cancer "pink ribbon" began to actually mimic cancer, spreading to a point of phenomenal "pink noise". Cause-related marketing spread like an uncontrolled disease. The pink ink syndrome occurred particularly during October, which was deemed Breast Cancer Awareness month. (Folks, I assure you that breast cancer is a year round disease). Discriminating companies, those supporting the most effective breast cancer organizations, have truly made a remarkable impact in saving lives from the grips of breast cancer. However, some of the tremendous earlier efforts to reduce fear have become eroded by the overwhelming use of the pink ribbon on consumer products. For many, particularly those directly impacted by breast cancer, the repetitive visual reminder is not unlike the incessant “nevermore” reiterations of Poe’s Raven.

That was then, this is now. From its beginnings in the mid-twentieth century to the pink ribbon period, the “awareness” and “commercialization” chapters of breast cancer are waning. A new and exciting chapter in the fight against breast cancer is commencing, one that will not only eradicate breast cancer, but will also shed light on stopping cancers of all types. This final chapter is focused on stopping breast cancer before it starts. It requires targeted, collaborative, and concerted research partnerships. And, this cancer prevention research, in order to be truly fruitful and expeditious, requires scientifically significant study enrollment.

So, back to the grass roots that got us this far. Just as Dr Susan Love and other grandmothers of the breast cancer movement effectively engaged humanity in life-saving breast cancer awareness, the time has arrived for women and men to become engaged in research that will prevent the disease from occurring all together.

Wise organization like the National Breast Cancer Coalition, the Avon Breast Cancer Foundation, and the Army of Women are leading the way, calling for an end to breast cancer by 2020. So far, half a million ordinary people have committed to the solution, ready to write the next chapter against breast cancer. The Army of Women research database, and the technology that enables it, are the wave of the future. This time, the grass roots span the entire global community. Any individual, anywhere in the world that has internet access, can act to be part of the solution by simply allowing researchers to study their lifestyles and health. It’s about significant research acceleration enabled by the participation of ordinary people. This new chapter of the breast cancer legacy will take the ribbon that was once used to symbolize breast cancer and use it to tie the disease up – forever. Join the Avon/Love Army of Women today at www.armyofwomen.org and be part of the countdown to the end of breast cancer.

Fields of Hope ArtWear

2010-11-01T09:46:00.000-07:00

"Fields of Hope" ArtWear Aids Women Beyond Breast Cancer

2010-11-01T09:44:00.000-07:00

Across the globe, over a MILLION women and men are diagnosed with breast cancer each year. But, what happens after the words "You have breast cancer" are heard? While earlier diagnosis, better understandings of breast cancer sub-types, and improved treatments are allowing more to survive the disease, many fail to truly thrive after breast cancer. Why?

I have spent the past several years trying to understand this, during which I have personally counseled dozens of women and men dealing with breast cancer, attended numerous breast cancer patient events, and ruminated on the topic, sometimes late into the night. For too many, most in fact, the fear, anxiety, and depression that follow a breast cancer diagnosis can dramatically reduce quality of life and negatively impact work and relationships. It is my belief that survivors, whether they are actually pre-vivors with genetic risk indicators, or whether they are survivors of advanced breast cancer, can suffer from a sort of "post-traumatic stress." In terms of living beyond breast cancer, this can be truly debilitating. Think about it. You've been diagnosed with a disease that threatens to a) take your life, and b) possibly recur after treatment ends. Most that are diagnosed are not naturally equipped with the coping skills necessary to minimize post-cancer anxiety to a point necessary to entirely "resume" their pre-cancer lives. I am one of the lucky ones. I have a terrific family support system. Activities like art and music, yoga, walking, friendship, and activism have enabled me to move past two bouts of breast cancer. The grey cloud of breast cancer recurrence anxiety very rarely blocks the sun from me now. (My breast reconstruction also helped me feel normal again.) Yoga sessions offered at my cancer clinic helped me turn the page after my treatments ended, and for that I am very grateful.

I know first hand that not all are so fortunate. This is where I want to really make a difference - helping others to "break out" of cancer's emotional/psychological hold, and live out the best lives they can. One giant aspect of recovery - the psychological, emotional, and social dynamic - is still somewhat of a "black hole" in cancer care. Yet, this aspect is absolutely vital to holistic recovery. Thanks to the Avon Breast Cancer Foundation, The Avon/Love Army of Women is beginning to facilitate measurable research studies on the topic of psycho-social wellness after breast cancer and its impact on post-cancer health. (see: www.armyofwomen.org) So many women I have had the honor to counsel report feeling depressed and scared after cancer, but are uncomfortable with traditional support group settings. Often, they truly want to do more to recover, but are so financially beaten by cancer tretament costs that signing up for a yoga class just isn't possible. (To this I can personnaly relate.) So, what to do?

I believe the answer lies in offering women opportunities for emotional and psychological recovery through shared activities, learning new skills/hobbies, a chance to talk with other survivors during creative workshops, yoga, "art therapy" sessions. In my opinion, this should be an integral part of treatment! The most progressive cancer clinics are beginning to offer emotional wellness programs as part of their wellness care. It just plain makes sense, even economically, Happier women are more productive women in every way. To survive breast cancer is great, but to THRIVE after breast cancer - AMAZING!!

To that end, my team and I have begun offering "Fields of Hope" ArtWear. "Fields of Hope" shirts are printed with earth-friendly inks on organic cotton, and the fine art images are all about empowering survivors. Funds from this project will sponsor opportunities for women to actively engage in their own psycho/social and emotional recovery BEYOND breast cancer, bringing together people from different "fields" (artists, wellness, yoga, counseling, etc.) that may offer therapeutic hope and recovery to breast cancer survivors. The fundraising ArtWear, designed and signed by acclaimed artist Ken Maryanski, is available at FRINGE Boutique in New Hampshire (also on FaceBook), and by order (email: bcfieldsofhope@gmail.com).

A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. There is much that can be done to help others step forward into optimal wellness after breast cancer.

The Importance of Breast Reconstruction After Mastectomies

2010-06-10T07:51:00.000-07:00

My name is Donna Bramante InDelicato. I am a mother, a wife, a daughter and friend, a communications professional. I hail from the small town of Windham, New Hampshire. I am compelled to share my story of hope. What I have to share is big. It’s about women’s welfare.

Gentlemen and ladies…when I tell you I am thrilled to be here…. I mean that quite literally. You see, I am two-time breast cancer survivor.

I am ONE woman.. in a sea of MILLIONS.

THIS VERY DAY, 3780 women all over the world will hear the dreaded words, “You have breast cancer.” That’s about 25,000 EVERY SINGLE WEEK!!!! For many of you reading this, breast cancer is, or will be, personal.

My story is one of MILLIONS.. a narrative of epic battles and incremental steps forward, a roundabout journey from which I am finally home. Two winters ago, I closed what I hope will be the final chapter of my breast cancer story. My cancer has been in remission for seven years, and all that cancer took away from me has been restored and more.

Nine years ago, at just 34 years old, a diagnosis of cancer was the last thing I ever expected. Not a single person in my extended European (Italian-Polish-Danish) family had ever had cancer. My cancer adventure began in the office of my gynecologist, where a clinical exam confirmed a palpable breast lump. I was granted passage to a breast surgeon’s office, where ultrasound and a biopsy led to my diagnosis: early stage breast cancer. Shared tears, a stiff brandy, several sleepless nights, and a partial mastectomy later, my family and I believed our breast cancer episode was done (whew!). But, that was not to be…..

Four years later, while breastfeeding my darling daughter, I felt a lump. An eternal optimist, I brushed this off, thinking it was due to lactation. What I assumed was “nothing” turned out to be a serious malignacy – invasive, triple negative breast cancer, infiltrating out of my breast to several lymph nodes. This diagnosis was tough on me, but even tougher on all the people that love me, who helplessly stood by, masking their fears.

Life can change pretty quickly, I learned. I was swept up in a rip tide of activity threatening to pull me under. The first order of business was to get the cancerous cells out of my body with the removal of both my breasts. In a matter of weeks I was reduced from a vibrant, active entrepreneur and busy mother of two to a bald and sickly “two-dimensional woman-boy”. I needed an arsenal of treatments to survive, and was subsequently infused with chemotherapy and zapped with radiation. I lost my long hair, and felt totally diminished.

“This difficult time will pass”, my beloved oncologist said, and indeed it did.

But the consequence that remained with me, and pervasively affected my life, was the amputation of my breasts - a deformity I lived with for 4 ½ prime years of my life.

Although breast cancer caused a torrent of challenges for me and my family, I never, ever, allowed it to drown me. I thanked heaven for so many valuable lifesavers – my family and friends, wonderful nurses, and a team of terrific doctors. My crazy sense of humor helped me fight my way to the surface when cancer dragged me down. Oh, yes. I was the crazy chemo patient spicing up the infusion room with silly costumes ! Imagine a witch, a cowgirl, and a “pink punk rocker” tethered to an i.v.. At times, “coping” involved intentionally flipping my wig for a reaction. Once, I faked a call from the Olympic Bobsledding Team soliciting my flat, aerodynamic body. Actually, I did notice some improvement to my golf swing and my archery without womanly “impediments”!! My violin, however, had no place to rest. My jokes about being breastless got me and my family through some pretty dark days. Every time my loved ones looked at me, however, they were, on an emotional level, reminded of my serious illness.

I tried wearing prosthetics, but found them to be uncomfortable and silly. They made me feel like a guy in drag. One UFO incident in the swimming pool (unidentified floating object) was enough for me to put my foamy fake friends away in a drawer forever. I returned to my fitted clothing, and got used to the sideways glances from strangers. I imagined them thinking, “I’ve seen FLAT, but that woman is CONCAVE!” Others assumed I was anorexic; my lack of breasts made me appear super thin. With no breast fold to hold bathing suit tops from riding up, bikini beach volleyball was definitely crossed off my list. I resorted to pathetic little-girl styles.

Well, determination and humor only get you so far. For years, my chest concavity and surgical scars caused much deeper emotional ones. The truth is, this loss doesn’t just physically degrade a woman, it erodes her self-confidence, and takes away an innately primal aspect of the female identity. (Perhaps the men reading this will ponder what a comparable physical loss could mean in terms of one’s masculinity.)

Words cannot convey how much I missed my breasts – the way they made my clothing look, the role they played in my sexuality, the comfort they offered my young children as they cuddled on my lap. My reduced confidence impacted my professional productivity as well. My deformity, a visible symbol of my cancer, diminished my family’s faith in my long-term wellness. The sympathy it elicited from others affected my social life and shaded my friendships. What I saw in the mirror clouded the quality of my life, and prevented me from mentally moving BEYOND my cancer. After a while, I just stopped looking in the mirror, stopped wearing stylish clothes made for normal women’s bodies, and ceased enjoying my sexuality. Subconsciously, I became rather depressed.

Several times over those breast-less years, I visited plastic surgeons desperately seeking the possibility of breast reconstruction. Each time I was told that restoration was not possible – the mastectomy tissue removal had been extremely aggressive, life-saving radiation treatments had badly damaged the tissue remaining, and I was thin. I gave up hope that I would ever be whole again. My wish was modest – just a normal “bump” would do. The idea of “transferring” tissue and muscle from other parts of my precious body, even if this were possible for me, was quite unappealing.

OK. Enough with the pity! Now comes the good part of my story!! Now I get to tell you how the sun returned in my sky and the color back in my life! Thanks to LifeCell Tissue Matrix and silicone implants I became whole again, and even greater than the sum of my parts. THIS is the happy ending, and new beginning, that ALL women facing cancer should have the right to choose.

How did I learn about this procedure? A chance meeting in my daughter’s ballet class waiting room opened the door to the beginning of the rest of my life. A fellow “ballet mom” gave me the business card of the brilliant and compassionate Dr. Karl Breuing, plastic surgeon. Fall of 2007, I decided to investigate breast restoration one last time, and am I glad I did! A few months later, I became the recipient of two incredibly restored breasts constructed with AlloDerm (acellular donor tissue matrix), my body’s own natural regenerative process, and cohesive gel implants! I learned that the use of this tissue supplement in my reconstruction helped provide adequate interior space, mechanical support, and a sub-dermal barrier enabling anatomic breast implants to be permanently positioned in place. I was able to emerge from a single breast reconstructive surgery entirely and permanently restored! When I woke up from surgery and looked down at familiar shapely mounds, rivers of joy trickled down my face. I wanted to leap out of bed, do my “BellaDonna” dance, and hug everyone in sight!

In retrospect, I never consciously acknowledged how the loss of my breasts affected my psychological wellness, and the energy my sadness drained from me, until I got that vitality back. I left my depression and anxiety in the operating room of Faulkner Hospital in Boston!. Adios! Thanks to LifeCell Tissue Matrix , I’ve truly and totally recovered - with a tremendous sense of hope, self confidence, and purpose. This reconstruction allowed me to move entirely past my breast cancer bout.

My girlfriends would tell you “Donna’s got her mojo back”! My little daughter proclaims, “Wow mom! You look like my Barbie dolls now!” and “You look just like all the other moms.” My 14-year-old son, the topic of “breasts” evoking, um, mixed emotions, tells me he’s “happy for me” and picks up on my improved mood. My children are happily thriving, my cancer to them is now a fading memory. My parents are just plain relieved.

How is my life after reconstruction? FANTASTIC! I can wear any style of clothing again! Even strapless! I can tell you (and my husband would agree) “It’s good to feel sexy again!” Breasts play an important role in intimate satisfaction for both partners. It’s all quite natural. To summarize, “I’m much happier now!”

My cancer taught me so much. I have re-organized my priorities, and utilize my communications skills now for the welfare of others. For better or worse, Life sometimes hands out sour lemons. I am busy now making and sharing lots of lemonade!!! Incidentally, the lemons image shown here is utilized by the UK’s “Lemonland” breast cancer support website, devoted to global breast cancer education. The caption reads “have you squeezed you lemons lately?”

Anyway, It’s not what happens to you in life that matters, it’s what YOU DO with it!! Cancer has given me the opportunity to take stock of my life and purpose, to live more deeply engaged. Each of us CAN make a difference. My involvement with the breast cancer community runs deep, so I’ve had the privilege of sharing lots of dialogue with thousands of others. Through various aspects of advocacy work I’ve touched, benefited and learned from a wonderful cohort, tens of thousands of breast cancer sisters. I have walked women through the process to recovery hand-in-hand, spoken at public forums, and allowed the news media to publicly share my story of hope. I have become inspired to great activism, leading “Team BellaDonna” in raising $250,000 for the international Avon Breast Cancer Foundation. I will not stop until I know that all women everywhere know about this type of reconstruction. It has been over 8 years since it was first pioneered; the time is long overdue for this information to become public knowledge.

What do I want women to know? LifeCell Tissue Matrix allows individual women and their care teams to address dynamic treatment considerations. It makes reconstruction predictable, adjustable, adaptable, and available for all women. Many women can now have breast reconstruction in a single procedure. It allows women to preserve the rest of their bodies. And, the cosmetic results are great!

All women deserve the chance to make smart and healthy choices, choices that appropriately balance wellness benefits with compromise. For me, it’s not just about improving lives like mine; it’s about potentially preventing deaths. We all have a responsibility, a stake in that. Sharing the possibilities of breast reconstruction affords so many women diagnosed with breast cancer, AND those at identified risk of developing the disease, the chance to make life preserving choices. Informed, empowered women make better wellness choices.

I’d like to convey the appreciation of my family, friends and millions of breast cancer sisters. The biomedical scientists and professionals making tissue repair products possible, and my reconstruction possible, are leading the way towards healthier futures for so many. The biologics frontier is just beginning to open up. Let us hope these fields continue to get the support they need to take medicine and wound care into the 21st century and beyond.

For more information on LifeCell Tissue Matrix and Breast Reconstruction visit: www.breastreconstructionmatters.com, The American Cancer Society, and The American Society of Plastic Surgeons.

'Look at me': Windham woman's modest wish fulfilled with help of alternative breast reconstruction procedure

2010-06-08T07:44:00.000-07:00

'Look at me': Windham woman's modest wish fulfilled with help of alternative breast reconstruction procedure

2010-05-26T12:45:00.000-07:00

Crayons and Tears: My Breast Cancer Diagnosis

2010-05-26T11:07:00.000-07:00

I shall never forget the heavy and humorous circumstances surrounding my second, and hopefully final breast cancer diagnosis.

On a beutiful day in May of 2003, I drove with my precocious 1-year-old daughter to the office of Breast Surgeon Dr. Yvedt Matory at Brigham and Women's Hospital in Boston. A few weeks prior, I had undergone an excisional breast biopsy of a suspicious mass. Despite having had early breast cancer removed from the same breast just 4 years prior, I approached this appointment with confidence. I'd had two other breast lumps biopsied in the two years prior, both of which had been benign (non-cancerous), and expected this news to be the same. So, when both my husband and mom offered to come with me to this spring 2003 appointment, at which I was to have the biopsy incision checked and receive pathology results, I incessantly declined their offers. "I'll be fine!" I very stubbornly insisted. I suppose, in hindsight, I had taken my optimism a bit too far.

The long drive into Boston for that appointment was lovely. I remember it well. My toddler daughter Victoria and I sang nursery rhymes along the ride. Having had very early breast cancer 4 years before and, therefore, being at elevated risk, I truly treasured and celebrated out loud the fleeting, rhyme-singing days of motherhood. Victoria was (and remains) innately musical/artistic. We arrived on time, but, as usual, were stuck in a crowded waiting room for over an hour. Still, my cherub sang on, much to the delight (for some, annoyance) of our fellow "waiters".

I (we) were finally called in to the exam room, with its sterile aroma, crinkly exam-room tissue, single magazine, and muffled calcaphony of bustle and voices. We were way past nap time now, my cheerful toddler growing restless in the confines of the blank blah-beige walls. Ahh..those blank walls. We were two minds with nothing to occupy us while waiting for the familiar chart retreival from the door bin, click of the door handle, and appearance of our beloved Dr. Matory. My toddler wriggled in my lap, bored of the magazine we looked at, and getting generally "antsy". I recalled the crayons and paper I had in my mom-bag-o-tricks. Thank you Crayola! My little Picasso got earnestly to work.

I have a way with people, tending to easily establish meaningful connections. Such was the case with Dr. Matory; we shared an interest in music, education, patient communications, and had children of similar ages. (Dr. Yvedt Matory has since sadly passed away, a young victim of skin cancer). Despite having a ridiculous overload of patients, as is the case for surgeons at most of Boston's teaching hospitals, I do believe that she had a particular love for me. In the years ensuing my first cancer, what I perceived as Dr. Matory's personal interest in my well-being inspired my faith and helped allay my cancer recurrence fears.

As Dr. Matory entered the door that fateful day, her demeanor was different than what I had ever before experienced. Strained emotion showed on her cocoa colored face, and a serious furrow appeared between her beautiful deep brown eyes. "Hello Donna," she said. Hmm. No gregarious smile? No quick interest in the progress of my adorable attention-craving baby girl? "She looks really tired," I recall thinking about Dr. Matory. In the years since I had been seeing her for cancer follow-up appointments, every 3-6 months, she had shared with me the difficulties of finding balance - being a top surgeon, and being a commited, involved mom. Tired. Yes, that's why the long face. She's tired. "We have some things to talk about," were her next words.

So, I pulled up a chair next to her, as we reviewed the biopsy results. Me with a polite smile on my face, legs crossed, sitting up straight, listening intently. What followed was a bit of a teacher-from-Charlie-Brown experience, with just random words bouncing around in the frozen parts of my brain. "We found more cancer....waaaa.waaaa.waaaa." "Invasive, aggressive.....waaa...waaaa" "Mastectomies...waaaaa..chemo...waaaa...radiation...waa,waa,waa,waaaaaaaa." And still, I smiled politely, nodded, cheerfully agreed to make the necessary appointments with the secretary for more surgery and medical consults, etc. "Wow, you are handling this very well!" Dr. Matory added. More polite smiles.

I was not truly able to process what I was hearing. By that point she may as well have been speaking to an alien going through programmed responses, but not really emoting. I was like "Data" from Star Trek. My intellegent, multi-dimensional neural network suffered complete gridlock. Only one brain path stayed open for processing; the one that deals with just basic functioning and survival. It was all so surreal.

And then something happened that I will never forget. We both turned around, Dr. Matory and I. Those boring walls? The ones that drive patients crazy with their blankness? Well, my 18-month-old Picasso had found a perfect canvas, and outlet for her boredom!! The walls now featured my daughter's first-ever "public showing" of her budding artisitc talent! God works in some very strange ways indeed. No more boring walls, a distraction for both physician and patient, a happy toddler, and a well-timed moment of comic relief shared by two working moms - all provided at once by my darling daughter in my moment of need. "Oh my!" I exclaimed with raised eyebrows. "Don't worry about it," said Dr. Matory as we smiled at eachother.

What happened next? I remember making some appointments, leaving the hospital, securing Victoria in her car seat (where she promptly fell asleep), and driving down Memorial Drive, along Boston's Charles River, bound for home. At some point, the neurons were released from their bondage, my brain turned back on, and....the dam of emotions broke. About mid-way down Memorial Drive, I started sobbing like I have never sobbed before. I realized the impact all this would have on my husband, 6-year-old son, mom and dad, brothers, and all those that love me, and dreaded sharing the news. I pulled over in a random Cambridge parking lot, unable to see beyond my tears. Looking back at my precious sleeping daughter snug in her carseat, and with her whole wonderful life ahead of her, I resolved to fight the ugly cancer monster again and win. I would be there to watch my son and daughter grow up and add their own unique "Crayola colors" to this wonderful world.

Seven years, lots of beautiful "artwork", and many great memories later, I'm thriving, happy, and blessed in so many ways.

Pink pot scrubbers and buckets-for-the-cure

2010-04-27T15:13:00.000-07:00

Breast cancer is big business in America. No, I am not being cynical, jaded, overly critical. We all want "the cure" to be found. It's just that the ubiquitous bubble-gum-pink "ribbon" is so darn prevalent, so pervasive, there is no escaping it. It's in the supermarkets, throughout magazine ads, on apparel - a thick fog of "pink soup". As a breast cancer survivor, I find this both fascinating and appalling. As a marketing specialist, I find it interesting that corporate decision makers fail to realize the potentially deafening effect of pink ribbon noise.

I have a few problems with the pink ribbon conundrum. First, breast cancer is not the only disease that takes lives. It's hard not to respect famous grieving sisters raising billions for "the cure". I want to point out, however, that many people suffer and die from lung, colon, ovarian, and uterine cancers as well. In some ways, the pink-ness draws attention and resources away from these cancer types. Second, too many companies are too quick to "slap the ribbon on the container" with only a shallow understanding of the various breast cancer support organizations. These organizations vary widely in how they ACTUALLY benefit real people struggling with the disease, and in how the funds managed specifically benefit productive research. (My favorite is the Avon Foundation for Women/Avon Breast Cancer Crusade, which supports specific, tracked research, access to disease screening, AND real patient support.)

Lastly, and speaking on behalf of thousands like me, the visual assault of pink breast cancer ribbons has the potential to negatively impact quality of life - for survivors trying to move on, for those traumatized by the loss of a loved one, and thousands that justifiably live in fear of developing the disease.

So, what "inspired" me to share these thoughts today? Me, the breast cancer activist, fundraiser, counselor, and crusader? A friend recently gifted me with a pink "pot scrubber for the cure". A pot scrubber for the cure? The gift, a sweet gesture, was intended as proof by this individual that "See. I support you and the cause." Under other circumstances, a pot scrubber would not be deemed an appropriate "friendship" gift, would it? But, alas, it was..pink! Corporations use the same mentality as my dear friend. "See? We care! See the little ribbon on our product? It makes our company somehow worthy of your "friendship", somehow demonstratively "good."" Ugh.

Then, I saw the new Kentucky Fried Chicken ad, announcing the "buckets for the cure" program. What! No! Not the KFC bucket!!! Is there no end to the pinkness? Please, KFC. Don't just tell me you care. Tell me why! Tell me how you believe the money you'll donate per bucket purchased will really HELP, beyond adding to the coffers of an already ENORMOUS mega-charity. Put your creative team to work on that! I have to believe, with their combined salaries, that they are capable of more.

Lest I sound ungrateful for all the research that will hopefully spare my daughter and son from the suffering caused by breast cancer, I must add that breast cancer awareness, done right, really does save lives. The research for breast cancer cures will shed light on other diseases, as well. And, some charities make All the difference to individual patients and their families. I celebrate my survival every day, made possible in part by the pharmaceutical industry and improved chemo drugs. But, I know I am not alone in hoping for the pink bubble to deflate, please, just a bit.

One candle can light the dark

2010-02-18T09:39:00.000-08:00

Two years ago, as I have previously described, I was "restored" to my pre-cancer self. My breast reconstruction repaired the amputation that saved my life.    When I woke up from my reconstruction surgery and, in the prone position of my hospital bed, could not see my feet past my reconstructed (albeit swollen) breasts - I was elated!   Giddy! I had entered Faulkner Hospital in Boston early that morning as a "two-dimensional woman-boy", and went home two days later a re-blossomed woman.

Upon my arrival home, the first thing I did was to ascend the stairs to my bedroom, reach into my closet, and slip into a strapless dress that I had not been able to wear. ( I shall describe this humorous umoment in a later blog.)   A few weeks later, the healing well under way and the pain subsiding, I began to fully and completely realize the lift that this corrective surgery provided to me and those I love. The depression I was unaware I had suffered was gone. As a result, I felt energized, full of new possibility, and more confident in my wellness. The train was put back on the tracks, the world again my "oyster".

Wanting the same restorative opportunity for others, I began to contemplate the lack of information that had been available to me prior to my surgery. As much as they were physical, the scars from my mastectomies were even more emotional. I knew first hand how so many women like me suffered the emotional consequences of breast loss, and wanted to help every one achieve restoration. I began researching, speaking with my doctors, phoning LifeCell (makers of AlloDerm used in my reconstruction), and surveying breast cancer groups. A deeply involved activist and breast cancer fundraiser for the prior eight years, why had I NEVER heard about the AlloDerm option? I made up my mind I would, I MUST, work to change that, to fill the information void. Thank goodness for my supportive and patient family and friends. This endeavor has compelled me for the past few years like a ninja on caffeine. Weird analogy, huh?

I learned that the AlloDerm*/implant reconstruction technique (*also referred to by some as supplemental tissue, donor tissue matrix, and acellular dermal matrix) had been conceived many years prior. I became enraged that this procedural option was available all while those like me suffered. I discovered that this surgery was virtually unknown outside closed plastic surgery communities. To me, this was tantamount to a sin of ommission, a violation of women's rights!  Thousands of women, I realized, were making half-informed decisions regarding breast cancer treatment, surgery, and reconstruction.  A champion of others from the day I was born (both a blessing and a curse), I turned my anger into action, starting an impassioned crusade to raise awareness. I mapped out a strategic communications plan targeted to reach entities I beleived could help spread the word - breast cancer communities, medical and social work groups that serve as health contact points for women, local and national media.........

The attached clip is one result. Reporter Jennifer Vaughn, a true champion herself of the breast cancer cause, was equally upset that our interview was the first time she had heard of this option!   I knowingly sacrificed my privacy to make these communications opportunities happen.   There is no time now for regret. My privacy seemed a small price to pay for a better fate for so many others.

What I learned, what my children experienced through my actions (one of life's most valuable lessons), and what I hope to inspire with this blog entry, is this phrase I entered in my high school yearbook way back when.....ONE PERSON CAN LIGHT A CANDLE IN THE DARK!!! All it takes - a belief that truth prevails, a willingness to boldly act, and a passion to never give up.

The attached video is an example of how one person can instigate change, how information leads to empowerment, and how that informed empowerment can affect the lives of others.

Woman Seeks To Spread Message To Others

2 min 23 sec - Nov 18, 2009
for reconstruction, but her search to restore her body to what it once was has finally paid off. ... Donna Bramante Indelicato breast cancer AlloDerm ...
www.youtube.com/watch?v=SijIP5aTnFo

Raising Fun and Funds

2010-02-10T10:01:00.000-08:00

Ruffles and Roses and Life Without Breasts

2010-01-28T10:30:00.000-08:00

Having survived early stage breast cancer and a lumpectomy at the age of 34, I marched forward with my life. Assured by my beloved late breast surgeon, Dr. Yvedt Matory, that the result of two consecutive surgeries had, in fact, removed all the cancer cells in my right breast, I re-boarded the train of my life, destined again for great places, wonderful vistas, and friendships along the way.

The removal of the lower third of my small (but perky) breasts did pose some interesting challenges. But, all in all, the cancer removal had little impact on my life. Try getting an underwire bra to stay "under" when there's no breast "fold" to keep the wire from sliding up. Alas, aside from the elimination of popular underwire bras from my lingerie possibilities, I rarely thought about my disfigurement. Padded bras helped fill in the missing contour quite nicely, and, well, I still had my wonderful nipples!

Four years later, things changed. I discovered a lump, wound up in the operating room again, and....yada, yada, yada.....the biopsy revealed breast cancer again. This time, the prognosis was much more grim. (I shall describe the emotional and slightly humorous instance and circumstances of this diagnosis in a later blog.) With infiltrating invasive breast cancer, my "choice" of having a mastetomy was clearly the best course of action. The removal of the contra-lateral left breast was optional, but given my history, the agressiveness of my cancer, and my desire to "never have to deal with this again" I signed up for bilateral mastectomies. This was my second time around, and I was anxious to get the *@**##! cancer out!

Back to the operating room again at Brigham and Women's Hospital in Boston, this time for major and literally life-saving surgery.

On the recommendation of my surgeon, I had a consult with a plastic surgeon prior to surgery.   This, of course, SHOULD be standard practice, as all possible aesthetic outcomes should be considered before the treatment and surgery plans are devised.   Did you know that according to the American Society of Plastic Surgeons less than half of all women diagnosed with breast cancer in this country are afforded breast reconstruction information? Unacceptable!   Well, my plastic surgoen presented me with the option of having immediate breast reconstruction performed during my breast removal surgery. I would wake up without my real breasts and with some scarring and loss of sensation, but with perfect silicone-filled substitutes.

Well, that was not to be.

The cancer was very extensive, five underarm lymph nodes were also cancerous, and a nasty infection had taken hold in the breast as well. Not good. The reconstruction was not possible. And, a year-long treatment plan was put in place involving chemotherapy and tissue-damaging chest radiation.

I woke up from surgery with no breasts at all. Not a mound, not a nipple. I was beyond just flat, with a concave contour where my lovely curves once resided.

Breastless is how I spent the next 4 1/2 years of my life.

With the support of my family, my husband, and friends, I made the best of my LWB (life without breasts).  I approached this period of my life with humour and determination, although the smiles often hid the emotional suffering this disfigurement truly caused me.   I determined to keep wearing the same fitted styles I always enjoyed, my GAP tees, fitted sweaters and the like.

Among the many sentiments people sent me during my period of recovery, the Hallmark Fresh Ink card sent by my cousin Dolores and depicted above is my absolute favorite. It about sums up how I felt, how my breastlessness affected my self-esteem. She really GOT it, and that validation made me laugh hysterically (still does) and cry. "I think the ruffle really makes a difference, don't you?"....as though the little fringe at the bottom of the bathing suit could really mask the low self-esteem obviated by the depicted woman's body language. "I think the ruffle really makes it." Ha.

On so many levels, I related to the cartoon on the card. Tiny hair (that's what my then 3-year-old daughter called my newly re-growing hair after chemo), concave body, and a weirdly fitting girls bathing suit. I think the flowers really make a difference, don't you? Perhaps I should have chosen ruffles? (smile)

My grandmother and others, truly "ruffled" by my diagnosis, tried to "restore" me to my former self. I adore fitted clothing, knits, body hugging styles. That's me.   I battled a new malady - the invasion of the ruffles! In the years ensuing my mastectomies my closet became half-full of interesting gifts: crazy ruffle-front shirts that look like they were taken off pirate ships, tops with "gathers" to "fill me out", crazy prints deigned to "trick the eye", and coordinating rose pins that nearly screamed out my flatness.   All well intentioned from giving folks that love me. Did I mention I come from a gigantic extened family of Italians, Polish and Danes? These "style tricks" could not take away the reality that a primal part of my female identity, my "curves", had been taken away. Forever.

My life without breasts hurt in more ways than one.   Ways that one untouched by cancer might never consider.

My breasts represented many things to me: my identity as a woman; a source of intimacy and vital physical pleasure for both me and my husband; the sentimental symbol of my breastfed babies; a certain female power that comes from atrractiveness to the opposite gender; a required contour for beautiful lingerie and clothing made for women. All gone in a single surgery that preserved my life.

In some recent speeches I gave on the subject of breast reconstruction, I challenged every man in the audience to consider what a "comparable" loss might mean in terms of their "masculinity".   Picture lots of crossed legs and flushing faces. The fact of the matter, and the reason for my awareness crusading, is that breast loss undermines women's well-being in ways that pervasively impact her life.

Ruffles and roses, humorous cards, loving family and friends all helped me in their way. But, it was the flourish, the bloom, and the joy I re-discovered in ME that helped me emotionally recover and get on with my life. My breast reconstruction surgery helped finally put the train back on the track.

The Year of the Colorful Pants

2010-01-16T05:08:00.000-08:00

The Year of the Colorful Pants.

I hereby designated 2010 "The Year of the Colorful Pants”.

I came by the above trio on a recent trip to a store named DELliAs, where my objective was to return a not-so-colorful Christmas gift from my husband, a “soft” and “fluffy” sweater that nearly swallowed me up. Not a shopper, I intended to accomplish the return in a matter of minutes, receive cash back, and put it to practical use. Call it an epiphany, foreshadowing, a sign from a higher power - I was actually seduced by a pile of colorful pants! Like a bee to honey. The "SALE" sign may as well have been flashing neon. In collusion, the fitting room mirror encouraged me along. A quickened heartbeat later, I exited the store as the proud owner of boldly colorful pants! It was the first week of January, and things were looking very bright.

Why on earth was I so emotionally charged by a few pairs of cotton pants? I found myself singing the whole car ride home! ("I can see clearly now, the rain has gone.....I can see all obstacles in my way................it's gonna be a bright, bright, bright, sunshiney day....)

I brought the pants home, tried them each on again, my husband serving as a very willing audience (smile). My son and daughter both looked surprised and nervous. What alien had taken their normally conservative mom and plunked down "Donna with the Amazing Technicolor Pants"? Had I made a mistake? Been intoxicated in the store by the overwhelming hue? No, no. The pants arrived in my life right on time. Life, I have learned, does put things in our path in very timely ways.

How wonderful, how metaphorical that these pants ended up in my closet, otherwise filled with tailored styles and safe, classic hues. The boldness, the infusion of color, felt like a celebration of joy for "living". These pants declare out loud what I am compelled to do - to inspire others affected by cancer to their best possible outcomes. On the days I wear them, I feel a little brighter. On the days that I wear them, sometimes consciously on days of self-doubt, I am reminded that change happens by engaging, doing, acting. "Go, girl, go," they say.

To understand how my life became color-deprived is to understand the psychological burden of breast cancer. You see, from the time I was diagnosed, a shadow hovered over me, a little dark cloud of anxiety that followed me like an unwanted friend.

For me, the bright spectrum of living did not return all at once, but in steps forward that helped me move entirely beyond a serious diagnosis to a state of normalcy. What helped me to move forward? First, the personal support of my oncology team, treating me and my family with compassion and individualized care. Then, participation in some social programs that got me thinking outside my “cancer” box. (Oncology social workers are truly unsung heroes in the universe of cancer care.) Yoga classes and a “Day of Beauty” offered at my cancer clinic, archery classes with my son, learning to play golf, playing my piano and violin - these activities helped my re-engage in "living", got me thinking forward again to a life full of possibilities. Breast cancer fundraising, advocacy and motivational speaking offered tremendous purpose to my days, delivered the rare gift of "meaning", and heralded my future.

Finally, breast reconstruction moved my post-cancer life a giant step forward, helping put the sun back high in my sky, and the color back in my rainbow.

The darkness, the draining of color from the lives of those affected by breast cancer is something I hope to address not only in this blog, but through actions and associations I hope will lead to a more holistic treatment of cancer patients. I feel compelled to help others like me move from grey back to colorful lives. Perhaps this starts with the donning of colorful pants! They certainly have inspired conversations, and dialogue is an important start.

I think I can, I think I can…life is again operating at full steam. The wheels stopped turning turning for awhile, but the engine has restarted. The schedule no longer controls me, I am the engineer. Cancer taught me that.

Yes, this is "The Year of the Colorful Pants".

MANGE VENTER MIG (Much Awaits Me)

2009-12-30T09:44:00.000-08:00

Mange Venter Mig (Danish). Much Awaits Me. Self-confidence, possibility, faith, and hope – these unyielding elements have propelled me to achieve many things in my life about which I have been proud. Leadership of my high school class; first college degree in an extended second-generation American family; a distinguished graduate degree; a corporate career; the launch and successful management of a small business; civic leadership; elected public office; marriage; and the birth of two amazing children. All highlights in a forward life continuum. Striving, multi-tasking, and juggling were my lifestyle. Overachieving, I was driven by the belief that always there is a next step in life, more rewarding than the last. Ridiculous optimism? Perhaps. Innate determination? Most definitely. Foolish? Perhaps. Much awaited me, just around the next bend… and the next.

Practically from birth I was out to prove something – to the world, to anyone that doubted, and mostly to myself. I am woman. I can do it all. I can run a business full time with my beloved mom, while concurrently working in marketing for Alpha Software company, while maintaining a 4.0 GPA working full-time towards a Masters in Communications at Emerson College. Happy? I think. Tired? Extremely. Stopping to smell a single rose? Never. Much awaited me. I was a “mover”. My beautiful baby boy had captivated my heart, motherhood adding a new and amazing dimension to my complex and exciting life. What I did not realize then was that far too much, too many things that mattered, eluded my appreciation and understanding along the way. On I marched, projecting my future, laying out plans, acccelerating the spinning wheels in my personal “Habitrail”.

Then, cancer happened. It happened to me. It happened in the prime of my life, at just 34 years old. With a four-year-old marriage and an adorable three-year-old son, this was not supposed to happen to me. I was going forward, not staying still. Mange Venter Mig. This was not time for cancer. It was time for loving, learning, sowing, and growing. No, this was definitely not in the plan, this stopping to deal with cancer. I had no family history of cancer in my enormous, extended Italian family, nor in my extended Polish/Danish clan. I breastfed my son, I was not overweight, I did not smoke or drink. No time for this. I’m going places.

The diagnosis stunned me. It hurt my loved ones, and reflected their sorrow back to me tenfold. Relief came; the cancer was early stage. The first surgery was unsuccessful, leaving some cancer cells behind. The next surgery, weeks later, got all the cancer and left me with 1 2/3 breasts. (I shall share in a later post the humor and the challenges of having two thirds of a breast). My surgeon, God rest her beautiful soul, advised that since so much tissue had been removed I may not need radiation therapy. If cancer were to return to that breast (she noted I had about a 35% chance of recurrence over the first few years following the surgery), I would be unable to have radiation treatment to the same area later. So, the decision was made against radiation treatment. Would this have prevented my recurrence? I suppose I will never know.
Forward. Think forward. No looking back. Self-confidence returned and my crazy optimism. The faithful “Donna” engine was refueled, the determined little engine that propels me over the hills and valleys of my life.

The “cancer” chapter was over, or so we thought.

The Abercrombie Bag and A Modest Hope

2009-11-19T09:44:00.001-08:00

An Abercrombie bag. A wholesome young model. A pie. A friend. The sum of these ingredients comprised a recipe that lead to my restoration . You could say, I suppose, that from that day forward, my hopes for a renewed life after breast cancer were "in the bag".

It was Easter of 2007. I graciously offered to host my entire immediate family, all 17 of us, at our home for Easter dinner. My husband and I enjoy these occasions, our house filled with good food and love. It is times like this that I cannot contain my deep appreciation for being so very much alive. The beautiful sight, the cacophony of chatter around the table, magnified my post-cancer joy, dampening my cheeks with silent, salty rivulets of escaping happy tears. Generations of our Italian ancestors before us lived for days like this, when family and good food fostered love. This was a good day. Never mind that I had spent 30 minutes that morning pondering my closet in hopes of locating a single blouse or sweater that would look normal on my post-mastectomy body. Forget that most of my tops, purchased when I enjoyed being an "A" kind of girl, now gathered dust. (I imagined my tops complaining about not ever being chosen and accusing me of neglect.) Our son and daughter, nieces and nephews, and extended family deserved a holiday where wonderful memories would be made. There was work to be done, food to prepare. No time for a personal pity party for one.

Fortunately, my mom and husband make up for my domestic deficits. Our collaboration in the kitchen that Easter added to the holiday fun. My mom brought some side dishes I do not remember, and an apple pie I recall being exceptional, all delivered to me in a recycled Abercrombie bag, pictured above. The annual InDelicato Easter Egg hunt commenced, the hungry hunters counting retrieved eggs, receiving their prizes, and joining the table for our feast. And feast we did. When the binging was over and the last coffee served, hugs were exchanged and the guests departed. I traded my masquerading ruffle-front blouse for an old sweatshirt, and got down to the pleasing task of returning our home to order. The aforementioned bag, still in good shape, got filed away with other recyclable totes.

A few weeks later, our daughter's Montessori school held their annual end-of-year picnic. The bittersweet commemoration of another school year was held outdoors at a local park, "pot-luck" style. I brought my "famous" chocolate chip cookies in...the saved Abercrombie bag. After depositing the cookies in the "dessert buffet", I grabbed a piece of lawn near my friend Lynn, the mother of my then five-year-old daughter's "best friend ever". I adore and respect Lynn. We laughed and talked, enjoyed each other's company as best we could while vigilantly keeping track of our children in a crowded public place. As older and oh-so-appreciative moms, Lynn and I tend to be extremely (okay, overly) protective of our precious progeny. As was typical at such public events, my concave post-mastectomy chest elicited unwanted sympathy, shading my interpersonal interactions. "So, how are you feeling?" people would inquire. "How are YOU feeling?" I felt like snipping back.

You see, despite having completed my cancer treatment over three years prior, despite being entirely cancer free, having my long hair grown back, being extremely healthy and active.....in spite of all that, when people saw my concave, breastless profile they continued to define me as "suffering" from cancer. I suppose in some ways, they were right - I was still suffering emotionally from the physical scars my mastectomies left behind. Still, sympathy was the very LAST thing I ever wanted.

Anyway, at the picnic, the subject turned to the upcoming bathing suit season, and my struggles with finding a suit that worked. Our "swimsuit season" here in New England being especially short, I wondered out loud if the shopping would be worth the trauma. My dear sympathetic friend conferred. Then it happened. The image of the Abercrombie model on the now-empty bag looked at me. Or so it seemed. I picked the bag up for a closer look. "Why can't I have THAT," I said out loud to my friend. "That's all I want to be happy," I added while deep in thought. "Yeah, don't we all!" came the response. "What?" "Oh!" We both laughed a good cleansing laugh. The image on the opposite side of the bag, the one facing her, was pure beef - a topless young stud of a twenty-something man! I laid the bag down. The young woman pictured was lovely. The model's barely-there "AA" contour, the minimal curve in her shirt, seemed so wonderfully feminine to me. Bumps.....that's all I really wanted.

Why was this very modest wish not possible? I had been told by three well-established plastic surgeons that my small frame, the amount of tissue taken during my life-saving mastectomy surgery, and the radiation treatment damage precluded me from any kind of breast reconstruction. Each time I was told this it was harder to take. With all the advances in medicine, wound repair, and science, this lack of possibility was difficult for me, a highly educated and tenacious person, to accept.

The bag's place was elevated from the recyclable totes heap to a place in my closet, where the Abercrombie model continued to look through a camera lens right at me.

A Rude Sales Clerk Saved My Life

2009-11-09T13:02:00.000-08:00

Yes, a rude salesperson at a Marshall's store unwittingly helped save my life.

For the four years following my mastectomies, one of my greatest challenges involved shopping for bathing suits. Let's face it, no woman really enjoys this affair. For, we are at our most exposed point, most vulnerable in terms of our self-image, when staring at ourselves under the harsh fluorescent lighting in bare fitting room cells. What I saw reflected back to me in that mirror reminded me of my cancer, and made me feel more than physically reduced.

Over the years after the removal of my cancer (and my breasts) I had the pleasure of numerous strange and unsuccessful trips to department stores, attempting to find a bathing suit that "worked" for my "two-dimensional" post-mastectomy body. My beloved mom and daughter normally accompanied me on these annual, dreaded trips to the bathing suit sections of various retail establishments. We would start in the juniors department, and inevitably end up in the little girls area, searching for a suit that would fit my flat chest. You see, my concave chest gave new meaning to the term "pear shaped body", with normal adult-woman hips and an abnormal "blank" chest. At 5'2 and 105 lbs., I was lucky. The girls size 16 suits I often ended up with assumed the wearer had a pre-pubescent body, but also reflected the color and fabric choices enjoyed by little girls. (Picture multi-colored hearts and cheesy plastic trims).

These trips would begin with a deep inhale of resolve before entering the store, and exchanged "here we go" glances between the three generations of women. We would take armfuls of bathing suits into the fitting room, where I would put on a pathetic (sometimes comically theatrical) fashion show to my hopeful loving audience. Other fitting room comrades would lend quick sideways glances; their expressions, though fleeting, would ask more than they would reveal. Often, the absurdity of these sessions would evoke a range of emotions, exploding into laughter or ending with me fighting back tears.

I had tried prosthetic bathing suits. Companies like Lands End do offer women some suits that accommodate a breast prosthetic. (Thank you Lands End!) Unfortunately, most of these have an "older" or "larger" woman in mind. I'd rather the bows and hearts than the matronly cruisewear-style swimsuit. Also, the prosthetics have a tendency to "escape" from the suit at exactly the wrong time. (Picture my coyly chasing my bobbing fake boob floating in a public pool.) Additionally, the shifting wet prosthetic, coupled with the wet suit rubbed horribly against my scarred chest. The chafing was, well, certainly not worth the contour.

Well, in the summer of year four I had finally, I thought, found a woman's bathing suit that would work! Of course, this suit had been settled on after another emotional outing. When I got it home, and modeled it for my equally hopeful husband, we both realized that the "empty" spots on the top just would not do. I also realized that, with no breast contour to hold the suit in place, it rose up my chest every time I lifted my arms up. Hmm. Too bad...I liked it.

Two weeks later the three girls (me, my mom, and my young daughter) returned to the Marshall's store from where I purchased that suit. The plan was to exchange it, but there were no other viable choices. There was a long line at the return desk. This is where the rude clerk saved my life! I had removed the tag from the garment, and she absolutely refused to take it back. I quietly explained the circumstances, still no effect. Well, this was a watershed moment for me, I guess. Four years of suppressed emotion came pouring out. I burst into tears, left the store (followed by my consoling child), and realized at that moment how very much (despite my convincing myself otherwise) I really missed my breasts.

You see, my life had been saved by a year of cancer treatments. But, my "life", had been sorely affected. The scars ripping across my chest healed, but had left much deeper emotional ones.

Two other things happened within weeks of that incident that set me on the path to my reconstruction and "resurrection." I will explain more in my next post.

Breast Cancer and Hope

2009-10-28T10:28:00.000-07:00

My name is Donna Bramante InDelicato. I live in Windham, NH. At just 34 years old, I was diagnosed with early stage breast cancer. A partial mastectomy later, I thought I was cured. But, that was not to be. Four years later, I was again diagnosed. This time, the diagnosis was devastating: Stage III cancer, aggressive, and traveling outside my breast. With a bright future, a husband, two beautiful young children, and a wonderful extended family, I had everything to live for. I underwent a year of cancer treatment including several surgeries, chemotherapy, and radiation. When the treatments finally ended, I was thrilled to be alive. But, the effect that stayed with me the longest and pervasively affected my life was the absence of my breasts, a deformity I lived with for 4 1/2 prime years of my life.Several times over those "breast-less" years I visited plastic surgeons seeking the hope of breast reconstruction. Each time, the answer was no. I was too thin, had too much tissue removed, and the radiation damage was too extensive. Finally, through serendipity, I landed in the office of Dr. Karl Breuing, a pioneer of a breast reconstruction procedure that utilizes donor tissue matrix (known as AlloDerm) and implants to recreate breasts. The results have been remarkable, not only in how this procedure restored my appearance, but, more importantly, how breast reconstruction helped restore my life.This blog will chronicle my journey, what I have learned, my collaborations with others, and how, in many ways "Cancer cured me."